Random Quotes

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else.

Will Rogers (1879 - 1935), Illiterate Digest (1924), "Warning to Jokers: lay off the prince"

A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you.

Bert Leston Taylor, The So-Called Human Race (1922)

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I wrote myself a check for ten million dollars for acting services rendered and dated it Thanksgiving 1995. I put it in my wallet and it deteriorated. And then, just before Thanksgiving 1995, I found out I was going to make ten million dollars for Dumb & Dumber. I put that check in the casket with my father because it was our dream together.

Jim Carrey, Oprah Winfrey Show, 1997

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

George Burns (1896 - 1996)

It's not the voting that's democracy, it's the counting.

Tom Stoppard (1937 - ), Jumpers (1972) act 1

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If you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you're right.

Henry Ford (1863 - 1947), (attributed)

If we are lucky, we can give in and rest without feeling guilty. We can stop doing and concentrate on being.

Kathleen Norris, O Magazine, July 2003

Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies.

Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)

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Turns out if you never lie, there's always someone mad at you.

Scott Westerfeld, Extras, 2007

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Life is a zoo in a jungle.

Peter De Vries

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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

George Carlin (1937 - 2008)

The only gift is a portion of thyself.

Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)

Efficiency is intelligent laziness.

Anonymous

There was a time when we expected nothing of our children but obedience, as opposed to the present, when we expect everything of them but obedience.

Anatole Broyard

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Real strength is not just a condition of one's muscle, but a tenderness in one's spirit.

McCallister Dodds

Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.

Lucille Ball (1911 - 1989)

It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not lived at all. In which case, you've failed by default.

J. K. Rowling, Harvard Commencement Address, 2008

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Sorrow was like the wind. It came in gusts.

Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings

It is no profit to have learned well, if you neglect to do well.

Publilius Syrus (~100 BC)

Every pilot needs a co-pilot, and let me tell you, it is awful nice to have someone sitting there beside you, especially when you hit some bumpy air.

Eric Wald, View From The Top, 2003

You can't base your life on the past or the present. You have to tell me about your future.

Chuck Palahniuk (1962 - ), Invisible Monsters, 1999

Ask me no reason why I love you; for though Love use Reason for his physician, he admits him not for his counsellor.

William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616), The Merry Wives of Windsor, Act II, sc. 1

Buy on the rumor; sell on the news.

Wall Street Proverb

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The deepest definition of youth is life as yet untouched by tragedy.

Alfred North Whitehead (1861 - 1947)

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Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good.

Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784), (attributed)

- More quotations on: [Writing]